My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
