I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
