I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
