HIV tests are more positive than that guy
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
