I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
And then he peed in my hair
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
