Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
