The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
