wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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