We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
