dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
