I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
