I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
