did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize