The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
