A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
