She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
