That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
