Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
