also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
