He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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