my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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