just tell him i said nine months
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
