I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
