I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
