I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
