y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
