It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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