i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
