my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
