i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
