dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
