Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
