she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize