Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
