Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize