so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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