I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
