She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
