come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
