I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
