dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
