I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
