I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
