it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
