She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
