I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
