everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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