guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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