I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
