i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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