I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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