i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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