Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
