i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
