i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
