My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
