these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize