If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
