did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
