IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
