Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
