We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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