Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize