so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
