how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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