I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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