Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it glows. i had to have it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
