If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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