There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
