I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
