One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
