she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
