I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
