Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
