so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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