There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am spending my child support on dildos
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize