can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
