Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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