Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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