Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
