her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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