ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
