I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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