Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
