He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize