Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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