were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
