I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
