i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize