when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
