Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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