I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
