i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize